don't you ever tame your demons

"Nice hit, Daney." She was almost relieved to see him finally make progress. He was rambling on about something that had to do with men and Auralee didn't really care enough to pay attention. She'd become acutely aware of her own unhappiness. She took a step back to ground herself. This wasn't what she really wanted. She wasn't sure what she really wanted, except to continue living, but this wasn't it. The killing made her happy for a little while because it got her one step closer to winning and surviving. She'd never really won anything before in her entire life, and she was excited at the prospect. The problem she had was that the happiness didn't last. She recalled something about the law of diminishing returns and how if you got less pleasure from something the more you did it, it wasn't really what you wanted to do in the first place. Murder, then, or survival, really, was the deadliest drug. Auralee decided she needn't worry about her own happiness at the moment. She'd be happy if she stayed alive. She could be Auralee again. She missed Auralee. She missed looking at herself and approving of what she saw. She had to keep herself at bay for a little longer, though, or Auralee would die, and that wouldn't help anybody except maybe the people who were trying to kill her. She shook her head and sang the next chorus of the dying song at the same time as Leon. "Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold, but you will remember me, remember me for centuries. And just one mistake is all it will take, we'll go down in history! Remember me for centuries."

Auralee pressed her hands over her ears, but the voices were in her head and it didn't help. She couldn't shut off her brain. "Angel isn't that manipulative, but I can be," she hissed over the whispers. She put all the tension building up in her head because of the voices into her arms and swung at Dane with the knife. "Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold, but you will remember me. Remember me for centuries!" Auralee finished singing her part of the chorus and stopped. She couldn't even hear herself. She had to get out. She wondered if the voice was Auralee, trying to break free, to take over again. Could she risk it? Auralee had managed to kill once before. Maybe if she got back to herself, the voices would stop, and she was useless like this. She could hardly think over the incessant noise. Perhaps she could find another path to avoid the guilt that was better, that couldn't be corrupted by voices, that had infallible logic. One that didn't hurt as much as Auralee did, but made more sense. She wanted it to be a seamless transition. It wasn't. Auralee choked out a half-scream with her eyes closed, then suddenly opened them and gasped. She wasn't sure who this was... possibly a mix of Auralee and whatever she'd been before, possibly someone entirely new. "Let's have a good time, then."