it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix]

Subject: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Sat Mar 14, 2015 10:17 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] 5jscp3

Paris Erickson
| Coal dust was a natural part of district twelve, and one Paris had grown used to over the past eighteen years. Her sweater, despite having originally being water, was taking a grey hue as she walked through the upper district. In the pockets of her jeans she carried actual money now, not something to trade in exchange for the goods that the Ericksons needed. She didn't like it. On that particular morning she was accompanied by the family's golden retriever Mary Jane, who strode loyally beside the victor.

She had a mental list in her head but she was still finding it hard to concentrate. Everything Paris tried to concentrate on seemed blurred by the stares from random strangers as they passed. Most recognized her from the games, and while few asked about it, she could still feel their silent judgement. "Come on MJ," the teenager muttered, making her way to one of the booths.

After exchanging her cash for a bundle of not-so fresh apples, she turned and began walking away. Paris went through her list again, staring out at the crowds of people. A few meters away, she caught sight of a familiar face. "Carson?" she called out, waving shyly at him.
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Sat Mar 21, 2015 3:44 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Tumblr_mazgsynLCr1qkdght

Just kinda ignore that cigarette

Patrolling the Upper District was usually exciting, but today, there hadn't been any problems to deal with. In a way, it was a nice change from punishing people, but still, Carson felt like his time was being wasted. He sighed, smoothing down the white top of his peacekeeper uniform before putting his helmet back on. He couldn't wait until he got into the higher ranks so he could have one of those cool helmets, even if it wasn't too important. He smiled at the thought as he began to keep walking, his arms crossed.

After about ten minutes of walking around he finally settled at a place where he had a good view of each of the stalls so if someone stole something he would see. Another ten minutes went by with no problems and he was already bored again. He took off his helmet, taking out a rag and began to clean the top of it. He wanted to make sure his crappy helmet looked as good as possible. As he was doing that, he heard someone call his name from the crowd and looked up. When he did so he saw the girl he had met in the forest the other day waving at him. He smiled and waved back, replying, "Hey!" He walked towards her, his helmet still in hand, completely forgetting about it and what he was supposed to be doing as he said, "What brings you here?"

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Sat Mar 21, 2015 8:32 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] VUhxqcx

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] CrBx9Fd

Paris Erickson
| Paris wasn't exactly a friendly person by any means. She preferred solitude and silence above most things, but when she was forced to associate with people, she wanted to be with those who she felt most comfortable with. Especially after the games. That's why Mary Jane would accompany her wherever she went. When she first came home, the golden retriever was the only living thing Paris would talk to. She knew that the dog wouldn't judge her, or criticize her. She would just listen while the victor spoke. They had grown closer - if that was possible - over the past few months.

MJ wasn't a friendly dog either, and she seemed concerned as Paris walked closer towards Carson. The teenager was a little surprised that the guy she met was a peacekeeper; he hadn't struck her as that type when they first met. Then again, first impressions were often very wrong. "Hey," she repeated. Paris tried to focus on his face, but her line of sight seemed to keep being drawn to the helmet in his hands. "Apples," the victor responded, holding up her half-full bag as evidence. "I didn't realize you were a peacekeeper," she commented. After saying that, she exhaled. That was a stupid thing to say.
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Sun Apr 05, 2015 8:58 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Tumblr_mazfrfjfZG1qkdght

Carson stopped when he was close enough to talk with her, just a few feet away, and then noticed she had a dog with her. He gave the dog a slight wave, looking up at the girl. "Didn't see your friend there at first." Carson kept smiling, completely forgetting about how he had been cleaning his helmet. The girl answered his question, holding up a bag of apples and he nodded. "I see...makes sense, seeing as how we're in the upper district now that I think about it..." His smile faltered a bit and he looked away for a second, but then heard her comment about him being a peacekeeper and he looked down at his uniform and then back up at her, grinning. "Yeah...yeah, I am. But don't worry. Not all of us are absolute pricks." He chuckled, putting his helmet on and crossed his arms. He hoped she didn't think badly of him now...he was well aware of the reputation peacekeepers had. Hell, if he wasn't from a family of them he'd probably want to kill them all. But hey, not all of them were bad. He would just have to hope she thought so too.

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:25 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] 2IVimK1

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Xeagykn

Paris Erickson
| Paris shuffled over to the side of the path to avoid the crowds of people, brushing past shoulders as she went. She stayed within range of Carson, just over to the side. She didn't fancy being in the middle of heavily populated walkways. "Oh, MJ?" the victor responded, casting a glance down at the furry creature. Paris had temporarily forgotten about her companion. "She likes to follow me around, I guess," she mumbled, scratching the dog's head. She would've explained how having MJ with her was basically the only way the teenager got outside, but she barely knew Carson, so she wasn't going to. Maybe one day she'd have someone to express her feelings to, but not today.

She smirked as his smile faltered, but it was soon replaced with an indifferent expression as he mentioned being a peacekeeper. Now, Paris didn't hate the law, or rules, she just didn't like them very much. She felt pressured by rules and refused to conform to them. At least now, post-games, she could blame her post traumatic stress for her reckless actions. "Not absolute pricks?" the girl repeated, her smirk returning. "So are you, like, a partial prick, or do you need to be a certain percent to be a peacekeeper?" Paris asked, now grinning. She stopped again as he put his helmet back on. "Can you see people's faces with that on?" An uneasy feeling pooled inside of her as she tried looking at him, but only saw a reflection of herself in the helmet.
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Mon Apr 06, 2015 6:16 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Tumblr_mazfqbkGqP1qkdght

Carson laughed when Paris asked if peacekeepers needed to be a certain percent of a prick. He shook his head and replied, "Just a little. Like ten probably." He smiled at his own joke, forgetting that she couldn't really see that he was doing so. However, she mentioned his helmet and he remembered that it was on and he took it off, putting it under his arm and replied, "Yeah, I can make out people pretty well. It's just kinda hard to see details, like the eyes or something like that. Makes certain...tasks a little easier to perform." His smile faded slightly as he looked down slightly as his gaze got distant. After a few moments though, he blinked and looked back up at Paris. "Sorry...it's just...I tend to space out sometimes." His smile returned, but it looked slightly forced. He looked down at his helmet, seeing his reflection. He wondered how many people's last sight was of just darkness...probably more than he would care to count.

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:41 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] AMeht2r

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] VAo1Ezi

Paris Erickson
| Paris cast a glance over her shoulder at the bustling people of district twelve. It seemed like everyone had somewhere to be and someone to meet, but she didn't. The victor was still working through her identity crisis after the games. School wasn't really an option, seeing as her class was now preforming the necessary tasks deemed by the Capitol. Everyone fit the system, and yet she felt distant from it. Carson had found his place in a peacekeeper uniform. She wondered where she would find her's.

She smiled as he laughed, a short surge of glee coursing through her. Paris was still witty when she wanted to be. "Only ten?" the teenager asked, eyebrows raised despite the grin on her face. As he took his helmet off, Paris tried her best not to look relieved. The helmet made him seem impersonal and she didn't like that. When Carson spoke, though, she felt her smile fading back into a neutral line. Certain tasks... "Have you ever...?" Paris bit back her words. Curiosity was not always a good thing in conversations, especially when talking to government employees. "Nevermind."

Her weak smile returned, just as forced as his was. Paris might not get out much, but she could read people fairly well. "Yeah, I get it. I do it too," she responded with a shrug.
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:18 pm

it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Tumblr_mazgqlWpAJ1qkdght

Carson looked at the crowd of people, all trying to make their way to wherever they needed to be. Anyone who saw him either looked away quickly and walked faster or glared at him. He had to give it to some of them, for being brave enough to look him in the eyes. Some of the other peacekeepers he knew might shoot someone for doing that, but there was a reason they didn't watch the streets often. Most people took little details like that for granted, which might explain why things seemed to be changing a bit...no, it couldn't just be because of a few people getting riled up. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

The victor had begun to ask him a question but then trailed off and dismissed it. He looked back at her, raising an eyebrow and replied, "Have I what?" Right after he asked, he thought for a moment and said, "Cause if it's something...bad, then yeah. Probably." Carson's forced smile was still there and he listened as she said she spaces out too and he nodded, his smile becoming a little more genuine. "Yeah...makes sense considering the things you've done..." He looked away and once again thought about what he said and bit his lip, his head tilted down. He looked back up, his smile gone now and said, "I should probably just stop talking..." He looked away again, putting a hand behind his head, scratching it nervously. Why the hell would he bring that up?

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:57 pm

Paris Erickson
| Mary Jane shifted uneasily against Paris' leg as the conversation drove on. Despite the dog's loyal qualities and never ending kindness, she was growing impatient. She scratched her pet's head, attempting to soothe her. Personally, the victor doubted her discussion with Carson would go on much longer. They both seemed distracted. Paris was distracted. One unexpected movement could be a knife or a bolt of cloth, the light and her nerves interfering with her vision. She inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm herself. Her fingers continued to scratch MJ's head.

She didn't want to ask about what he had done as a peacekeeper. As someone who had personally murdered more than one person, she knew she wouldn't want to be questioned. Paris asked enough of herself; she didn't need Carson asking about it. Her morals were her battle, and one she didn't need to share with anyone else. It was her weight to bear. "Nothing," the teenager muttered, her gaze dropping to the dusty street. When Carson answered anyway, she could only nod in agreement. Maybe they weren't so different after all.

He continued talking, though, and Paris couldn't help but feel attacked, despite his neutral tone of voice. She opened her mouth to defend herself, but stopped as he continued speaking. "Does it bother you?" the victor questioned, looking up at him. "Sometimes I feel like I'm still in there, like they still want to kill me."
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:08 pm

Carson looked around, thinking about what he had said. She probably didn't want that brought up at all, and for him to do so probably made him seem like a pretty shitty person. He heard her ask if it bothered him and then she described how she felt sometimes and he shook his head immediately. "No, it doesn't bother me at all...I've seen and done worse. After all, you were just trying to get back home. What I did...it's my job. And sure, I wasn't forced into it, but I mean...there weren't many other options for me." He looked away for a moment, biting his lip. He didn't know why he was saying this, but it just kinda spilled out. He looked down at his feet and then back up at Paris and said, "Sorry...I didn't mean to ramble on like that..." He sighed, looked down again, not entirely sure of what to say next.

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:54 pm

Paris Erickson
| The air was never quite clear in the upper district. It was either filled with sounds or dust, or both. Paris didn't mind it necessarily - it was a lot to take in - but she didn't really like it either. She preferred the silence and loneliness of her room or the forest. No one gave her glares there, and she couldn't here their whispers. The victor knew people talked about her. Hopefully the closing of the thirty eigth games would bring up an obsession about someone else, someone other than her. Even if people didn't talk Paris would still feel insecure about it. You don't exactly gain confidence by murdering teenagers. She certainly hadn't.

Her eyebrows neared each other as Carson began speaking. Paris didn't want to know what he had done - that was his own burden, if that - but she was curious. The victor knew of peacekeeper brutality and avoided thinking about it. The Capitol was cruel, no matter the circumstances. There were too many innocent people living in poverty, and too many in the Capitol stuffing their faces. Justice had yet to be done. "You didn't have other options?" Paris didn't know what she wanted to do with her life yet, but she had time and choices. Didn't everyone, even here?
outfit[/color]

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Fri Apr 10, 2015 10:08 pm

The young peacekeeper looked around again at all the people hurrying along, and this time not many people gave him glares when they caught him looking. He heard Paris ask about what he had said and he looked back, raising his eyebrows and then nodded slowly, beginning to look away again. "Yeah. My uncle took me in a while back and well...he's the head peacekeeper, and he helped to teach me. It's all I really know how to do. Plus, I feel like I owe it to my father who died being a peacekeeper...the job runs in the family. Is it the best family business? Not at all. But I always thought that my uncle and father were thinking of their children when they entered this line of work...to keep us safe...that's how I comforted myself at least. Even after seeing my father do some pretty messed up things. Even after doing them myself. I know that they had a reason for doing it..." He had looked back, making eye contact with her as he finished but then looked down smiling lightly. "I rambled off again, huh?" He laughed and shook his head, though the laugh sounded almost nervous to himself as he looked back up, biting his lip again, trying not to make eye contact this time.

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Fri Apr 10, 2015 10:20 pm

Paris Erickson
| Paris' skin was beginning to feel itchy. It might have been the conversation or coal dust, but she knew that both of those things wouldn't affect her much longer. Her question to Carson was to deep, she realized. After listening to him explain his reasoning Paris could only nod. She wished she felt the same loyality or belonging to something. Her family was distant and wealthy now. She didn't need to work, but she wanted to do something. But something was hard to do when you were still shifting through nightmares and ghosts.

The teenager attempted a smile as he regained eye contact with her. "I'm sorry about your father," she offered. Paris was sheltered as a child; she didn't have many friends or know many families, but she knew that most families around the district were battered and bruised. Mary Jane whined against her leg. "I think I should get going, though. It was nice talking to you again," Paris said with a fuller smile. Waving with her apple-holding hand, she turned and left for home.
outfit

Subject: Re: it's nothing wrong with me --- [nix] Fri Apr 10, 2015 10:29 pm

Carson heard her apologize about his father and he nodded, smiling when she did. "Thanks." He looked down at her dog as she whined and his smile grew and he chuckled, looking back up at Paris as she told him she needed to get going and he nodded. He began to back away and waved his hand, saying, "You too. Hopefully I won't be on duty when we talk again." He grinned, continuing to wave and back up, putting his helmet back on. He didn't want to get in trouble for not being in full uniform. And he didn't need any more scoldings from his uncle...but that wasn't really on his mind. In reality, he just wanted to hide the large grin that had formed.

» There's nothing wrong with just a little bit of fun
» starting over: is that so wrong?