These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~

So this was what it was like, fighting. Annie had fought with siblings before, but it wasn't the same. Sibling fights were usually guaranteed to end up being forgotten after a few days, and there was no real worry there about ruining relationships. For the most part, you lived in the same house, were forced to spend time with eachother, and at the end of the day, you were family. One fight wouldn't matter in the long run. This was not so easy. There was no obvious, eventual, positive end to the situation here. Couples broke up all the time. This was also Annie's first fight with Derald, and the only time she'd ever seen him angry, which was jarring. Does it just go away? she wondered. All the love and affection and cute moments? Do they just cease to exist when one little thing goes wrong? It was hard to remember what they were even mad about, simply being mad at Derald was so foreign and distracting. Had he been mad at her? Had she been mad at him? How had this whole thing started? Was it something petty that got blown out of proportion, or was this argument necessary? "You know I'm trying to help you," Annie said slowly, her voice low and tense, "but I don't know what else to do. Do you want me to apologize? Do you want me to scream at you?!" Might be easier to do the second thing. It was like if you grew up next door to a lovely family your whole life, got along, had dinner parties, babysat, made family friends, and then one day they disappeared and you found out they were prime suspects in a murder case. Annie didn't know how to handle it. They'd been dating for a little while now, and everything had been going pretty well until today. Is this a sign? Was this all a mistake? Or is this the kind of thing we laugh about when we're forty and married with two kids and a white picket fence? Annie hated this. She wanted to be the person Derald came to when he was upset over fighting with someone else, not the person he was fighting with. Who were you supposed to talk to when your go-to confidant was the cause of the problem? Siblings, friends? Annie's aunt already disapproved of Derald enough as it was, and she didn't want to leave and went to her friends about this. If she left the house, if she talked about this fight in the past, then it was real and not just a spat. It felt real; it felt important, but it felt terrible.

Annie crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. "You never seemed to have a problem with it before," she muttered. She didn't understand why they were even fighting. They both wanted Dusk to be okay, and she told herself he was just stressed out and taking out his anger in the wrong place, but it didn't feel like that. She wanted to let him get the frustration out, she didn't want this to blow up in their faces, and yet she couldn't keep from getting defensive when he was yelling at her. "There's nothing else I can do! I'm sorry, okay? It's not like I want her to be sick! You don't have to scream at me!" Annie looked up at Derald with a scowl. "I am not the enemy here. I can't magically make her okay- I can't magically make anything okay! I'm not perfect. Neither are you. Nobody is. You're just about at useless as I am right now, and I know you're angry, and that's fine, but there's no need to take it out on me! We shouldn't be fighting, we should be trying to figure out a way for her to get better, unless there's something else you'd like to accuse me of?" She narrowed her eyes, refusing to take a step back even though he was towering over her. Annie's mind was racing. The angry words left a bitter taste in her mouth, and as much as she wanted to stop screaming at him and tell him Dusk was strong - that she would pull through, that everything was gonna be okay, and that if it wasn't, that was okay too because animals died all the time, especially on farms, and it sucked, but she'd lived a long, happy life and was in a better place now - she couldn't. He wasn't in a mood to listen to it, anyway.

Annie had never felt so miserable in her life. Her head hurt, her heart her, her eyes were stinging, and she felt like she was going to throw up. Most of all, she felt like crying. Tears were threatening to erupt any second, and he held them back as best she could. She didn't know why, but she didn't want him to see her cry right now, even if it might make him feel guilty. "Why am I being like this? You blew up at me for no reason! I don't know how to help Dusk, so I was trying to help you!" She couldn't imagine what she'd do if Paulie or one of the corgis got sick. They were so full of energy, so lively. Imagining them in pain made her want to cry even more. She wasn't particularly soft-hearted. She'd seen animals killed on the farm before. She'd seen her friends die in the Games. She figured Derald had an even harder heart than her, despite his usual happy-go-lucky attitude. This argument hurt, though. It wasn't a type of hurt she'd really experienced before. She hardly even knew why it was happening.  He's just upset, she told herself. You need to be there for him. Then he said something that made Annie freeze. She was silent for a moment, not moving a muscle. She took a deep, strained breath in, and slowly began to speak. "No. I don't. I've also never killed another human being. None of my family has ever died. We've lost farm animals, I've lost friends, I've been the reason that one of my best friends died, but no. Not right in front of me. I didn't get that oppurtunity. I'm sorry that you've suffered more than I have, and I'm sorry if you think that means I don't care, but this is not my fault, and it is completely unfair of you to bring that up." Annie finished her little rant and exhaled. Whoops. She hadn't meant to go off on him like that. She wished more than anything she could just apologize and he would stop yelling at her and they would stop fighting and Dusk would be okay. The sensible part of Annie's mind assured her that neither of them were thinking rationally, that she should just leave and let him cool off. She wasn't in a state to listen to that part right now, though. She could hear her heart pounding angrily against her ribs, like it was trying to tear its way out of her chest. There was a rushing sound in her ears. "I can't help her. I wish to god I could. If blaming me for that makes this easier for you, fine. Scream at me all you want. You might just lose another friend in the process," Annie spat. She regretted the words as soon as they'd left her mouth. Not for telling him she'd be pissed at him later, but for the way she said it. She hated reminding him of it, even if he'd brought it up in the first place. She wanted Derald to be happy, not to lose someone else, if he even cared about her anymore after this. She couldn't take it back now, though, and she was hardly willing to try.

((lyrics don't actually apply but idk it fits the mood))

Annie knew she shouldn't have said that. She was incredibly angry at Derald, but the look in his eyes and the expression on his face still made her feel awful. "I didn't mean-" she began. But she had, hadn't she? The realization hit her like a brick wall to the face. I am a terrible person, Annie thought suddenly. Derald was upset, which was perfectly reasonable. That didn't mean he was completely blameless for yelling at her; it just meant she should cut him some slack, and she'd honestly intended to try. What had gone wrong? Annie supposed she must have gotten caught up in the tension of the argument. Now she was more furious with herself than she was mad at him. She was supposed to be the one who listened and helped and gave support, and the second he didn't respond well to that, she'd given up? "Look, like I said..."  Annie began, taking a deep breath. "I don't know what you need. What she needs," She forced her mind to picture that betrayed look in Derald's eyes over and over and over to keep from getting angry again, even if it hurt. "If you needed me to go across the district and to get something that would help Dusk, I would run faster than I've ever run in my life. If you needed to dig through a huge pile of trash to find some magical cure recipe that you'd accidentally thrown out, I would dive in head-first. If you needed me to slash my arm open for some kind of obscure blood salve to save her, I would already be holding the knife. If you needed me to put her out of her misery because you couldn't bear to do it yourself, I would, and when you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would be there. I would do any of that and more in a heartbeat. For Dusk. For you. But I don't know what you need, and unfortunately, it's not that easy. So I'm going to leave. I don't want to abandon you like this, and I don't want to abandon Dusk, but clearly me being here is only making it worse. You said you didn't need my help anyway, right?" Annie swallowed. And I hope you're happy, because I'm sure as hell not. She wasn't exactly excited to sit at home not knowing whether Dusk had made it through or not, and whether Derald needed her to be there or not. "I'm sorry, and I hope she's okay. I really do. Goodbye, Derald," Annie said sharply. Something else had occurred to her, but it definitely wasn't the right time to bring it up. She turned around so he wouldn't see her cry and tore herself away from the house, from Dusk, from him. She didn't know what she was supposed to do now. Distract her fretting brain with farm chores, maybe. She certainly wouldn't be able to sleep. Annie sighed and stepped out of the door. It was going to be a long night.