Hey guys, so I just kinda need to vent and I have no where to do it, so I'll do it here, and I don't mind being too personal with my life here anyways. psh ha.. a life like I have one of those.. psh what's a life? .-. Anyways..
Alrighty story time kiddies!
So, long ago about eight years ago almost nine years ago, it was the summer have third grade, and as of this point in my life I was used to moving a lot, but this time we moved to a town house complex, and pretty much what that is is a house like divided into two or something but like separate units whatever, so they are all close together, they're like bigger apartments I suppose. Anyways, we were moving into number 1, there was 12 units in all. After I had been moved in for awhile, I met this guy, his name was Kevin. He was about two years older than me, and he was a bit of a cocky asshole, I wont lie and please forgive my potty mouth. Either way he was my first friend in this new neighborhood and him and I hung out a lot, eventually though, we were hanging out and he wanted me to meet his cousin.
Now we walked over to number 2, which was where his cousin was, but both Kevin and his cousin lived in number 5 as Kevin lived with his cousins family instead of with his mom. Anyways, his cousin was over at their friend Joe's house who was my next door neighbor and I never had really met Joe much, he was a bit older than us and he was mostly an indoor kid and I think he only lived with his dad on the holidays or something, either way he was a straight up nerd you could call him I guess. Then there was Kevin's cousin TJ. TJ was my age and soon enough we finally go to being friends and we hung out a lot.
Our friendship grew over the years and we did almost everything together and we were practically inseparable. We did a lot together and a lot of people never understood the extent of our friendship. He collected snails together, we learned to draw anime together, we did youtube videos together for a bit, played games, and we were the bestest friends ever, he was the only friend I needed. We used to pretend in my backyards that it was our own world and sometimes we'd stay up late playing Luigis mansion and stuff. Or we simply stayed up and sang shania Twain, because we were that awesome.
As we got older though our interests changed a bit but none the less we were still always around each other, but the year things kinda changed up and started to crack the foundation was grade 9. Roughly 6 years of the strongest foundation ever. We were still in a good spot but we had a small fracture in the foundation that wasn't too visible. Him and I would cuddle and such all the time, not in those romantic ways, no thanks man, we were more like brother and sister in that regard, we were as happy as could be and sometimes in classes I'd lean against him if I got too sleepy, we were that close to each other to not really care.
Although the moment he started to become obsessed with our mutual friend Maia, and chasing after her every moment he got, being "in love" with her she started to play a bit of games with him, but that's who she is, and the more he liked her the closer they got, and I got put to the back burner, it wasn't something I was used to. He told all his secrets to her, and they started to hang out all the time, I was now the third wheel and I was the outsider looking in, and the way I felt about that, started to put the six year foundation in danger.
It got worse as the year progressed though, for some reason, my ex boyfriend, Trey started to verbally bully me constantly and I'd ask him to stop and I didn't like it, but then he just continued to do it, and TJ would obviously see it happen but he wouldn't do anything about it, and instead he'd help Trey, and I was out numbered, of course at first it just seemed like games and stuff and it was harmless, but it just kept going and the foundation kept growing more cracks branching off and it was a weak and fragile state.
10th grade came around, and the bullying still happened and Maia was gone by this point, I was driven apart from all my friends I knew and I loved, I tried to hang on to a lot of my friendships, and after a few fallouts I was truly alone. 10th grade wasn't only the most difficult for the academic work load but it was the year I had been depressed in for awhile, and a few days I'd look out a class window of course the days I showed up and wonder why I was even there in the first place, like why I was here on earth, I asked myself why I still had a life, why I was breathing, this was the mental damage that had been done in a result of bullying, but as evident I haven't killed myself and I honestly don't plan to.
Like I said in grade 10 to my counsellor, I want out of here as fast as I can, I am trying to get to the root of my problem an I am trying to cut it out, to better myself, and I went astray for awhile but I found myself again.
Flash forward to present day, I'm fairly strong, I'd like to think, I'm still alive, and I don't plan on going anywhere not until I achieve all my goals, even then, I'd like to continue with my life until I'm meant to go. As of today I still get a bit discouraged because of everything that has happened but it all happened and it's in the past, and I'll move on from it. I mean now I have body image issues but I'm working on those.
Back to the original story, TJ and I ended up drifting a lot, and it's one friendship I miss a lot and I'd give anything to have it back and be how it used to be, and that's why I feel a lot of nostalgia when it comes to thinking of my child hood. At this point in the game he's only saying what he thinks I want to hear and that he misses me but he hasn't tried to get any further with our friendship.
Anyways venting is over..
and some songs that give me that nostalgia, How to save a life - The Fray, The scientist Cold Play, Last time - Taylor swift, and who knew - pink xD
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Subject: Just a bit ol' story time~ A personal one. 
Sun Jan 26, 2014 3:01 am